Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
