Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up

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(+61): View more from Australia

She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?

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(404): View more from Georgia

I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.

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(972): View more from Texas

I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.

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(618): View more from Illinois

I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks

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(865): View more from Tennessee

Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.

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