Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I currently don't understand fingers.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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