i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
