But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
