i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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