i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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