you traded sex for a burrito?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize