just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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