I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
