I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
