So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
