and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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