you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
