so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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