I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
