Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
