Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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