I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
