I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
