the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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