she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
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He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize