hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize