My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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