How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
