i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
