I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
