I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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