There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
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OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
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