We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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