I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my being single is dangerous.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
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Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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