It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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