It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
