You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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