i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
