I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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