Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
