Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
