Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
