Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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