i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
