Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
