I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
