Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
