Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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