Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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