Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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