I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
