she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
