How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
