Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
