I haven't been this sober since birth.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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