She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
