I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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