MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it was like eating out sand paper
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
