i dont even know how to be here
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
