do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I love having hate sex.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
