i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
