I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
