I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
