Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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