This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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