it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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