i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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